Hello, my name is Pete. For right now that's all you need to know. This blog wont be a secret journal, however I'm going to try and be as honest and objective to my thoughts and feelings as possible. The first few entries will be from E-mails I've sent.
After a night of drinking in Ybor, I felt the need to confess my love to Paul Mccartney. It went like this:
Paul Mccartney, I love you so much. Even though you'll never read this or think of me, I've spent so much time in my life listening to you and thinking about you. I'm so baffled to think that anyone could have been born on this earth with such a beautiful voice or talent for writing songs. I am in debt to you eternally for every wonderful emotion that you've taught me to feel.
I cried a lot tonight, more than I have in a long time because I listened to Revolver over and over. I put off listening to this album for what seems like my whole life. I felt always that if I'd listened to all the Beatles records then I'd be done for. No new ways to think about a feeling, no new ways of looking at myself or hearing a song. Revolver was the last of the Beatles albums for me to soak up. Sure I'd heard it a few times and was familiar with the music. But never have I listened to it over and over and over till I knew it all and had an opinion on it. Now that I've listened to all the Beatles albums in this way I feel lost in life. As if I have no purpose. I feel like all my loves are done and gone.
The only thing that comes close to those loving feelings is the love I feel when I listen to the Beatles. I wonder if ever again I will meet a woman who innately makes me feel a love the way the Beatles make me feel love. I'm not counting on it and I'm a better man for having once felt it at all. There isn't a feeling better than the Beatles. I can say I know what it means to have loved someone to the point of tears and understanding a feeling. But now there are no new feelings to understand. No one will say it better than the Beatles did. Anything you want to say about any feeling, they did it ten times better than you or I ever will. I'm subject to the mercy of a life with no new music. I pray that if there is a God he will let me see that there is something else in life to be had and loved.
Have you ever fucked anything up beyond repair? Beyond, "I'm sorry" or any kind of do over? I wish so badly that I could explain the blood that pumps through my body. I am evil in my existence and essence, I wish so much so that I weren't. I wish that all of life were a Beatles album.